Selena Rezvani - Setting Boundaries and Highlighting YOU

Selena Rezvani is a speaker who is focused on elevating women into leadership positions and teaching people how to set boundaries and utilize push back as a way to support their values. Before becoming a full time speaker, she was a management consultant, and in this position, she was fortuitously introduced to the speaking world. Since leaving her corporate job in 2009, she has authored two books and has spoken at Harvard University, Princeton University, Microsoft, Accenture, and more. 

Key Takeaways

• Push back is often painted in a negative light. However, it can be utilized for great things, including, but not limited to: advocating for yourself, taking a firm position issues, and affirming when you're right.
• Speakers are often people pleasers, however, it is important to know how to say no and establish firm boundaries.
• You should err on the side of valuing yourself rather than undervaluing yourself. Tips on figuring out your value and rates: look at demand and your satisfaction scores.
• Hear about Selena's most memorable speaking experience where she got her first standing ovation.
• Think about what energizes you when you're designing your talks. It can cause a ripple effect into the audience. 

Memorable Quotes

• “Push back is not a nice to have skill, it’s a must have.” - Selena Rezvani
• “There is tremendous liberation [in saying no].” - Selena Rezvani
• "Proximity is power." - Charles Clark
• "I noticed a big difference in the people who [speak] for the money and the people who do it because they truly care about people." - Charles Clark
• "Your best tool is still going to be to connect with people through your stories, and you're never done with that, so keep sharpening [them] and banking your stories." - Selena Rezvani 
• "Tell that story even if your voice shakes." - Charles Clark

Episode Resources & Links

Selena Rezvani

Website: selenarezvani.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/selenarezvani/

Instagram: + Twitter: @selenarezvani

Charles Clark

Website: https://thecharlesclark.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlesclarkusa/

Instagram + Facebook: @thecharlesclark

To get access to all our episodes, visit our podcast page!

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Transcript

00:00:01 Charles Clark

Welcome to the Journey to Paid Speaking Gigs podcast.

00:00:04 Charles Clark

Here we bring on guests in the speaking world to uncover how to find your voice as a speaker, get paid speaking engagements, and develop your speaking skills.

00:00:12 Charles Clark

I'm your host Charles Clark mental health and resilience speaker and today I'm talking with Selena Rezvani.

00:00:18 Charles Clark

She's an author, speaker, consultant who is committed to elevating women in leadership positions.

00:00:24 Charles Clark

We'll be discussing how she discovered the speaking world and tips for valuing yourself as a speaker and if you like the topic we’re covering today, check out the Journey to Paid Speaking Gigs Academy on my website at the Charles clark.com/apply, the Charles clark.com/apply. We are currently enrolling students to the Academy, so if you know you are called to speak go ahead and do yourself a favor.

00:00:52 Charles Clark

This is where you're gonna learn everything that you need to know about creating a successful speaking business.

00:00:57 Charles Clark

All right.

00:00:58 Charles Clark

So let's invite Selena onto the show.

00:01:02 Selena Rezvani

Thank you so much for having me Charles I am excited to be here and for our conversation.

00:01:07 Charles Clark

Yeah, you know it's always cool to to be able to connect with other speakers and just learn about your life. You know, I know how challenging it was during the pandemic and transitioning out of that to still doing what we love doing, which is impacting people's lives.

00:01:22 Charles Clark

So you know before we get started, let the thrive tribe know just a little bit about who you are.

00:01:28 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, absolutely well, my mission is pretty simple. And that's really to elevate more women into leadership roles.

00:01:38 Selena Rezvani

You know, that has been something I've been working on for the last 12 years, and I do it a few ways. One of the biggest pieces is through public speaking, so I do lots of leadership development trainings and presentations on self advocacy.

00:01:53 Selena Rezvani

Really standing up for yourself every day as a woman. And then the 2nd way I work with organizations is doing more consulting, you know?

00:02:03 Selena Rezvani

So helping leaders create workplaces where women want to invest in long term careers and so when I'm not doing those things I'm I am a twin Mama.

00:02:16 Selena Rezvani

I am a lover of cake so I'm always baking a cake or looking for my next good slice of cake from somewhere.

00:02:23 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, and I run to you'll find me on runs.

00:02:27 Charles Clark

OK, alright that's what's up. How far you like to run? Are you a sprinter or are you a long distance runner which?

00:02:35 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, I'm more of a distance runner. Actually I'm like 25 miles a week.

00:02:41 Charles Clark

Oh OK, you can see my rank in there, alright cool. So you talk, you talk a lot about push back, right?

00:02:51 Charles Clark

As a leadership expert, the way I kind of thought about it was, you know, employees going against what you you're trying to initiate and engage in, but your idea of it is a little different. Can you kind of explain on that and why that's necessary for people within the speaking industry, especially from a female perspective.

00:03:11 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, you know, I think pushback can conjure up these like sometimes negative images or images of conflict, right?

00:03:20 Selena Rezvani

But I do see it more positively.

00:03:22 Selena Rezvani

I see it as articulating your needs, knowing when you're right.

00:03:28 Selena Rezvani

You know, backing yourself and taking a firm position on an issue as speakers, we need to do this all the time, right? For our rates. To propose ourselves for a really exciting conference.

00:03:41 Selena Rezvani

Or maybe we weren't invited, but we want to be part of it.

00:03:44 Selena Rezvani

You know there's so many occasions we need to do this as speakers, so I think push back is not a nice to have skill, but a must have skill.

00:03:55 Selena Rezvani

You know, even when you get the gig, aren't you negotiating every little thing in that contract?

00:04:01 Selena Rezvani

You know in certain cases, well, you need to feel comfortable doing that.

00:04:05 Selena Rezvani

You need to practice and experiment at it.

00:04:08 Charles Clark

So tell me a time when you had to really put it to the test, and maybe that's a lot.

00:04:13 Charles Clark

So so tell me a time when you had to really put it to the test, and maybe that's a daily way of living and creating that a part of your habit to really have the confidence that you need to exude that worth on the stage and to just create more impact and income.

00:04:26 Charles Clark

And as a speaker, tell me a time where pushback was a big pivotal moment in your life.

00:04:33 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, well, you know what Charles I am and I'm guessing some of the people listening and joining us or recovering people pleasers.

00:04:42 Selena Rezvani

I certainly am.

00:04:44 Selena Rezvani

And guess what, that made it very hard to say no, so I can still remember the first time I said no to, uh, not good enough offer. You know, I say no to unpaid offers, but this was a paid offer that was not good enough and there is tremendous liberation in that. I can still remember the client.

00:05:06 Selena Rezvani

I can still remember them talking trying to talk me out of my no and into a yes and holding firm on that, no.

00:05:14 Selena Rezvani

And even though it there's a part of me that felt like, “Oh, am I killing the relationship should I do this to be nice?”

00:05:22 Selena Rezvani

All these pressures. Staying in the no.

00:05:26 Selena Rezvani

Like I said, backing myself.

00:05:29 Selena Rezvani

Can't think of a more liberating thing than doing that for yourself.

00:05:33 Charles Clark

And what did that like do like for you and your career?

00:05:38 Charles Clark

And just this journey that we were all on, right?

00:05:41 Charles Clark

What did what did I do for you?

00:05:43 Selena Rezvani

Time. Time. It gave me time back, right.

00:05:47 Selena Rezvani

We all are working with the same amount of hours and minutes in a day. But you know, this Charles as somebody in this field and seasoned you could fill your entire week with like free requests that come at you of your time that are not necessarily going to have an ROI or a payoff

00:06:09 Selena Rezvani

Sometimes they might, but you don't always know that you could fill your weeks doing that, so I think it gives you back time to be choice full and purposeful and clear on your value.

00:06:23 Selena Rezvani

Really clear. It requires you to know your value, like you know it.

00:06:26 Selena Rezvani

Like you know it like you know it.

00:06:27 Selena Rezvani

Like you know it.

00:06:29 Selena Rezvani

You know, not be wishy washy on it 'cause that's when people talk you out of your stance and into theirs.

00:06:36 Charles Clark

Yeah, I think Martin Luther King said, uh, if a man was what was it?

00:06:41 Charles Clark

What was the quote he was saying?

00:06:43 Charles Clark

You know, if a man has not found something that he's willing to die for, he's not fit to live, right?

00:06:47 Charles Clark

And like that idea is like what, what, what were you staying for in your life?

00:06:53 Charles Clark

Would you be tossed and turned?

00:06:54 Charles Clark

When people tell you this?

00:06:56 Charles Clark

Or that like?

00:06:57 Charles Clark

What would you stand for?

00:06:58 Charles Clark

I think a lot of times it's hard to get out of that, especially when you don't know who you are.

00:07:07 Charles Clark

You know, like one of my friends, he's having this really tough time to pivot to charge more for his service and he's not even in the speaking industry.

00:07:17 Charles Clark

But he's like, man, you know, I don't want to charge people too much.

00:07:20 Charles Clark

I'm like, you know, look at the demand that you have right now.

00:07:24 Charles Clark

Like you, you're getting requests like 10 times more than anyone else in your area.

00:07:29 Charles Clark

Like you know, you should start charging more.

00:07:31 Charles Clark

You're just going to end up burning out, and so he's just at that level of saying of should I change my fee, you know?

00:07:40 Charles Clark

Or should I continue to compromise the integrity of who I think I am and what I believe I'm worth?

00:07:47 Selena Rezvani

I love that point you're making because this can feel like such an ambiguous world like no one is ever going to hand you a number and say this is your exact number.

00:07:57 Selena Rezvani

This is where you belong. You are setting these lines in the sand, often for yourself, and let's be honest, you're ballparking.

00:08:07 Selena Rezvani

You know, making as educated and informed you know number as you can, but if we're really being honest about it, you know nobody is going to hand you a finite definitive number. That's up to you to set, and so you better err on the side or valuing yourself versus undervaluing yourself.

00:08:27 Selena Rezvani

It's so important and I like your point, 'cause you're saying look at some objective measures. Look at your demand. If demand is high, that's a metric right there. Another metric I like to look at is your scores.

00:08:40 Selena Rezvani

Satisfaction scores. Look if they're in the 90s, most likely you have room to go up and to be a little more aggressive in what you're asking for.

00:08:50 Charles Clark

Yeah, test, test the water you know, like it's 2021 at that you know and some people are still charging the same fees that they were charging in 2010.

00:09:00 Charles Clark

And a lot has changed from that time. And I mean you got to consider all those things. I want to I want to go into your journey of how you got into speaking like so to kind of walk me through that journey.

00:09:15 Charles Clark

How did you?

00:09:15 Charles Clark

How did this all unfold in your life?

00:09:17 Charles Clark

I know you do consulting as well, but how did you start getting on that stage and impacting people's lives.

00:09:24 Selena Rezvani

Charles I got so lucky because in my 20s I had a consulting job as a management consultant and in that role my boss told me here your metrics for the year.

00:09:36 Selena Rezvani

One of your metrics is you have to speak at 4 conferences a year and represent our company.

00:09:43 Charles Clark

That's fine.

00:09:43 Selena Rezvani

So it could be in our region, or it could be further, you know, afield, but you have to represent the company and you need to speak and pitch concepts and I'm still grateful for that because it was scary as can be. It was so exciting to to have some of these conferences accept speaking proposals, and it was both of those things to actually get up on stage so those were my training wheels, but I left my corporate life in 2009.

00:10:12 Selena Rezvani

I wrote my first book called The Next generation of women leaders and what I knew about speaking was that recognizable names help, so I started pitching myself to women and business groups.

00:10:28 Selena Rezvani

My book was about women leadership, right?

00:10:31 Selena Rezvani

So at Harvard, at Princeton at Duke Carnegie Mellon, I can still remember going to all these places in colleges and speaking to women groups and you know they were so excited and hungry for this knowledge and incredibly welcoming and wonderful to me.

00:10:49 Selena Rezvani

And they said, you know, we'll give you testimonials. We'll happily, you know, help promote you and your both in your knowledge in any way we can, and that's really what allowed me to start pitching myself to businesses to say I've done this over here.

00:11:04 Selena Rezvani

Look how I could, you know, make an impact for women at your company.

00:11:08 Charles Clark

Yeah, proximity is power for sure, so like when did you know this is actually something I'm gifted in like I can spend my whole life or whatever time that I have right now doing this?

00:11:22 Charles Clark

When did you know like this is where I come alive, and this is what's making a true impact in people's lives, and my voice matters?

00:11:31 Selena Rezvani

You know, I think it was incremental.

00:11:33 Selena Rezvani

I would love to tell you it was like uh, woke up one morning or on a certain stage it happened, but for me it was incremental. And I think that's because I had so much self doubt along the way.

00:11:45 Selena Rezvani

So for every win and victory and thrilling stage I was on, I had an equal amount of like terror. That is, this all going to go away, you know, impostor syndrome, feelings of do I belong on this stage, you know, am I worthy of this audience, you know.

00:12:03 Selena Rezvani

So I wish I could tell you it was just like that.

00:12:06 Selena Rezvani

But I think it was realizing having people come up after you speak, having people write to you and say I took X action, or I've been thinking and rolling around in my head that thought that you planted and I'm it's leading to Y outcome. That's what that's like moves you.

00:12:28 Selena Rezvani

That's what thrills me and gives me a sense of purpose every day.

00:12:32 Selena Rezvani

So I think it was watching some of the stories and information like move the crowd.

00:12:38 Charles Clark

Right.

00:12:39 Selena Rezvani

That’s what made me say, you know what?

00:12:42 Selena Rezvani

This is worth it.

00:12:44 Selena Rezvani

I am worth it.

00:12:46 Selena Rezvani

You know, and I'm gonna stop discounting myself.

00:12:48 Charles Clark

Wow, yeah you know I noticed a big difference in the people who do it for the money and the people who do it because they truly care about people right?

00:12:58 Charles Clark

And that answer goes in alignment with what you just said. It wasn't the reason that you knew like my voice matters because how much money you can make. Your voice matters because you realized the difference that you were making in people’s lives and you saw the testimonials and you know people were elated to hear from you as and speak on that stage like those are the things that I kind of validate as like man, this is where I belong.

00:13:25 Charles Clark

This is where I come alive on that stage.

00:13:27 Charles Clark

And you know, this is what truly matters to me.

00:13:29 Charles Clark

So yeah, thanks for sharing that part. I'm curious to know like for you, what's what size audience do you like to speak in?

00:13:38 Charles Clark

Like is it large audiences, intimate workshops?

00:13:41 Charles Clark

What's your type of vibe?

00:13:43 Selena Rezvani

I love a big audience like I love to be in the you know, like low of thousands. The buzz and the sparkle in the room like the kinetic energy that's really hard to replicate and it's a special thing. I like to do everything from like bodily exercises umm, you know, to interaction within the audience. So when you see a massive ballroom of people you know, testing out experimenting, laughing at some of the, you know, the funnier moments.

00:14:21 Selena Rezvani

There's nothing like that. And you know, I think they feel it too, there's something about being at scale like that, that adds some magic.

00:14:30 Charles Clark

Yeah yeah, I'm with you on the same when it when it comes [to that]. I love speaking to large audiences. That's definitely where like I'm like come on like this is like the Olympics right now.

00:14:42 Selena Rezvani

Yes, exactly right.

00:14:44 Charles Clark

Yeah, yeah.

00:14:45 Charles Clark

So what was the other question I was going to ask you, it was it was sent.

00:14:49 Charles Clark

OK, so here's here's my next question for you.

00:14:54 Charles Clark

Tell me about a.

00:14:54 Charles Clark

Time where your most memorable speech happened and what happened when you were on that stage or what happened at that event.

00:15:04 Charles Clark

And where were you?

00:15:07 Selena Rezvani

OK, so I'll I'll tell you about a situation I was going to speak to our audience.

00:15:17 Selena Rezvani

I was not used to, so I'm not going to tell you the exact gig, but it was an audience that I felt very unfamiliar with.

00:15:26 Selena Rezvani

In all kinds of ways, and.

00:15:31 Selena Rezvani

Frankly, felt fine with to me and I wanted to connect with this audience, but.

00:15:36 Selena Rezvani

I definitely had.

00:15:37 Selena Rezvani

Some fears and I had equal excitement about, you know, getting to address this group?

00:15:42 Selena Rezvani

And being on this stage.

00:15:44 Selena Rezvani

And I took a lot of time to prepare and to think about it and to research it. And I remember that night walking into the room feeling very other. You know, feeling very different from 1000 people in the room and and nervous, you know.

00:15:58 Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah.

00:16:04 Selena Rezvani

And I went up there at my time and I gave my remarks and they seemed to be tracking with me.

00:16:12 Selena Rezvani

They're a little quiet as I went.

00:16:14 Selena Rezvani

You know, it's hard, this is.

00:16:15 Selena Rezvani

Speaker you you.

00:16:16 Selena Rezvani

Know you're always trying to make sense of things like that and read the room.

00:16:21 Selena Rezvani

I finished my remarks, then it was.

00:16:24 Selena Rezvani

It was the first time in my life I experienced a standing ovation.

00:16:31 Selena Rezvani

And it was.

00:16:32 Selena Rezvani

Such a crazy arc if you had told me that's going to be the audience.

00:16:38 Selena Rezvani

You know that that you have.

00:16:40 Selena Rezvani

Like that kind of impact with.

00:16:42 Selena Rezvani

I would have never believed you I it.

00:16:44 Selena Rezvani

I just wouldn't.

00:16:45 Selena Rezvani

So you know there's some magic.

00:16:47 Selena Rezvani

Sometimes to taking on the.

00:16:50 Selena Rezvani

Real challenge, scary row this is.

00:16:53 Selena Rezvani

Way out of my comfort zone.

00:16:55 Selena Rezvani

Audience or gig right?

00:16:57 Selena Rezvani

Sometimes they push you out of your zone with topic a little bit or it's like I said, maybe it feels like the people in the room really speak their own vocabulary that, like you, you're outside of and don't know sometimes the fruit of those opportunities are just awesome.

00:17:00 Charles Clark

Right, yeah?

00:17:15 Selena Rezvani

And so I wouldn't trade that one for anything in the world, but it it?

00:17:19 Selena Rezvani

It brought some new grit and confidence and confidence.

00:17:24 Charles Clark

It's it's almost like a competition with yourself, right?

00:17:27 Charles Clark

Like how can I do that again and again?

00:17:31 Charles Clark

Whatever that was if people connected with it like this.

00:17:35 Charles Clark

I need to remember this feeling I need.

00:17:37 Charles Clark

I need to review in in in research and connect more with my content I I think that's that's so important for us to do.

00:17:46 Charles Clark

What do you?

00:17:47 Charles Clark

What are your thoughts on on continued growth especially?

00:17:51 Charles Clark

With COVID happening and we have to make these different pivots in our business, what what's what's your your mindset?

00:17:59 Charles Clark

What's your mentality when it comes to you know, constantly hitting that version of thriving out?

00:18:06 Selena Rezvani

I love that question.

00:18:08 Selena Rezvani

Here's what I think.

00:18:09 Selena Rezvani

Uhm, I think you can adapt to all the fanciest tech tools and you know pivot from the stage to zoom and do all these technical things beautifully.

00:18:23 Selena Rezvani

I still don't think they hold a candle to you bringing your Eunice.

00:18:29 Selena Rezvani

To that talk.

00:18:30 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, and I learned this the hard way and the long way.

00:18:33 Selena Rezvani

Frankly, I for a long time I did not tell my own stories.

00:18:39 Selena Rezvani

Of struggle triumph, you know digging deep.

00:18:45 Selena Rezvani

And I I invalidated them, right?

00:18:47 Selena Rezvani

I told myself and you've probably met a lot of speakers who've done this at some.

00:18:50 Selena Rezvani

Point in their journey.

00:18:51 Selena Rezvani

Oh, that's too.

00:18:52 Selena Rezvani

Insignificant that's not really a win worth sharing or you.

00:18:57 Selena Rezvani

You know that's.

00:18:58 Selena Rezvani

An embarrassing fail.

00:18:59 Selena Rezvani

I'm not sure I want to.

00:19:00 Selena Rezvani

Tell everyone about that you know all these reasons.

00:19:02 Charles Clark

Yep, yeah.

00:19:04 Selena Rezvani

You talk yourself out of it and yet my goodness, that's when I started to connect with audiences.

00:19:09 Selena Rezvani

That's when I saw my training evaluations increase when I started telling.

00:19:14 Selena Rezvani

Messy, ugly, fail.

00:19:16 Selena Rezvani

From my own life that were real, like when I blew it.

00:19:20 Selena Rezvani

Interviewing it as a spokesperson, you know, for a really exciting opportunity.

00:19:24 Selena Rezvani

But I also shared some of my fiercest wounds.

00:19:28 Selena Rezvani

You know things that made me who I am.

00:19:31 Selena Rezvani

Bets I took on myself, and boy, I wish I had done that sooner.

00:19:36 Selena Rezvani

So I think a huge part of.

00:19:37 Selena Rezvani

Growth and development is no matter.

00:19:39 Selena Rezvani

Where COVID and post COVID takes us.

00:19:44 Selena Rezvani

Your best tool is still going to be to connect with people through your stories and you're never done that.

00:19:50 Selena Rezvani

So keep sharpening those.

00:19:52 Selena Rezvani

Keep banking your stories you know.

00:19:55 Selena Rezvani

And and with new speakers I like to tell them you've.

00:19:59 Selena Rezvani

Got a central theme in your talk.

00:20:02 Selena Rezvani

Or you've got.

00:20:02 Selena Rezvani

Several threads.

00:20:04 Selena Rezvani

Maybe it's about maintaining motivation.

00:20:06 Selena Rezvani

Maybe it's about getting sidelined and getting back up.

00:20:09 Selena Rezvani

You know, maybe it's about a time you said no, and you know how that freed you up or empowered you in some way.

00:20:20 Selena Rezvani

Nobody walking around thinking I have great wonderful.

00:20:23 Selena Rezvani

Stories but but my advice to people would be.

00:20:26 Selena Rezvani

Is stop discounting them.

00:20:28 Selena Rezvani

I guarantee you have great stories, I guarantee it.

00:20:33 Selena Rezvani

Start testing them.

00:20:35 Selena Rezvani

Start seeing what people relate to, 'cause you'll find they'll follow up with you at the end at about that.

00:20:41 Selena Rezvani

They'll say, hey.

00:20:41 Selena Rezvani

How else did that pan out for you, Charles?

00:20:44 Selena Rezvani

What happened after you've got the job or you know things like that?

00:20:48 Selena Rezvani

So that's that's your way.

00:20:50 Selena Rezvani

To keep growing in my opinion.

00:20:52 Charles Clark

Yeah, I I.

00:20:53 Charles Clark

I truly believe that and support it.

00:20:55 Charles Clark

It's you know and it's always a challenge because.

00:20:58 Charles Clark

Being vulnerable and transparent, you're exposing yourself to people opinions, but I think what allows us to gain our strength back is the confidence and how we deliver it.

00:21:12 Charles Clark

You know, is it from a place of brokenness, or is it from a place of this is what happened to me, but look at where I am now and look at how this.

00:21:19 Charles Clark

This impacted my life for the better, right?

00:21:22 Charles Clark

Two different perspectives from that 11 victim mindset and and one is is is a guide mindset, right? And I'm always trying to when I'm on that stage, I'm always trying to take people on some journey for themselves, not not to say you know what was me like. No, it's this journey is for you, you know. And and I, I think yeah, we.

00:21:42 Charles Clark

Speakers definitely.

00:21:45 Charles Clark

We we have that ability, you know, and we're given that platform so that so that other people can connect with us, right?

00:21:52 Charles Clark

They're not connecting to like so much of the the information that you have because we can get that in.

00:21:58 Charles Clark

A book they want to connect with the person on that stage, right?

00:22:02 Charles Clark

Because that's what allows us.

00:22:04 Charles Clark

To to create like this authenticity and in a community of people alike.

00:22:10 Selena Rezvani

Yes, and they want to know why you and this topic.

00:22:14 Selena Rezvani

Why are you uniquely designed and built and?

00:22:20 Selena Rezvani

Experience to talk on this, so if you're really doing a disservice like I did early in my speaking career to leave that out to discount it and not share it, that's what makes you memorable.

00:22:33 Selena Rezvani

That's what makes you interesting.

00:22:35 Selena Rezvani

You know, that's that's what you want to bottle.

00:22:40 Selena Rezvani

And and you know uniquely own if you don't tell your story, somebody else is, you know, do you really want that you?

00:22:50 Selena Rezvani

Know sometimes they're going to tell the long story or they're.

00:22:53 Selena Rezvani

Going to fill it in with missing, you know?

00:22:56 Selena Rezvani

Half right information.

00:22:58 Selena Rezvani

You've got to author your own story, and I commend all people who have the bravery to get out there and share.

00:23:04 Selena Rezvani

There's the good, bad, and ugly.

00:23:06 Charles Clark

Yeah, that's that's the next layer, right?

00:23:09 Charles Clark

Like and, and that takes a lot of inner work you know to to get to that place.

00:23:15 Charles Clark

But you know, tell that story even if your voice shakes out, as I say.

00:23:19 Selena Rezvani

Yes, beautiful.

00:23:20 Charles Clark

Yeah, what?

00:23:21 Charles Clark

What would you what would?

00:23:22 Charles Clark

What would be someone that.

00:23:25 Charles Clark

Over speaker respect in the game, who would that person be and what question would you ask that person?

00:23:37 Selena Rezvani

You know, I would probably talk about Brené Brown and you know you know her work.

00:23:44 Selena Rezvani

So many people know her work.

00:23:48 Selena Rezvani

The the way she shows up as 100% herself.

00:23:54 Selena Rezvani

And kind of UN apologetically.

00:23:58 Charles Clark

Her yeah it is.

00:24:00 Selena Rezvani

I don't know if.

00:24:01 Selena Rezvani

She realizes how liberating that is to other people.

00:24:05 Selena Rezvani

You know, so not just is she interesting to listen to and you know engaging and interesting and smart.

00:24:14 Selena Rezvani

She's also giving many other people permission just by her example to do the same.

00:24:19 Selena Rezvani

And and I find that breathtaking about her, you know, I think I.

00:24:24 Selena Rezvani

Would ask her about.

00:24:25 Selena Rezvani

That and say.

00:24:26 Selena Rezvani

If you could think of one thing.

00:24:30 Selena Rezvani

That helped you.

00:24:32 Selena Rezvani

Stand in your power and authenticity and realness like what?

00:24:38 Selena Rezvani

What was it?

00:24:39 Selena Rezvani

You know if there's one thing that made a difference with.

00:24:42 Selena Rezvani

That 'cause she's.

00:24:43 Selena Rezvani

Just such a shining example, I think of doing that well.

00:24:48 Selena Rezvani

She's not there to conform and be a cookie cutter or something else, or to match everyone else in the room. She is 100% there as herself.

00:24:50 Charles Clark

Right?

00:24:59 Charles Clark

Yeah, you know I I what I'm thinking when I when I listen to Renee.

00:25:04 Charles Clark

It's like she takes research and it's like like soul search like now it's it's from this like I this book idea and tons of information.

00:25:14 Charles Clark

But then she makes it hurt, you know, and that's a tough thing to break.

00:25:19 Charles Clark

How can you break the monotony of like just giving people facts and you know these figures?

00:25:25 Charles Clark

Do like this is my life and this is how I'm incorporating and using these things like she she shares it so beautifully like God.

00:25:33 Selena Rezvani

I think so.

00:25:34 Selena Rezvani

Too, and I think even we and other speakers can do our own things with that.

00:25:40 Selena Rezvani

I think surprising the audience which you know, it's something you do, surprising the audience is great, like making a pivot and a change they're not seeing or asking them to do something with their body.

00:25:51 Selena Rezvani

Oh, I didn't see that coming.

00:25:53 Selena Rezvani

You know?

00:25:55 Selena Rezvani

Bringing color and unexpected references, you know that Orient whole home Business Research, but that, well, I didn't expect you to illustrate it with an anecdote from there from WWF.

00:26:10 Selena Rezvani

Or, you know from some unexpected things.

00:26:12 Selena Rezvani

So I think we can add joy.

00:26:15 Selena Rezvani

And spice and color to.

00:26:17 Selena Rezvani

So many things and I don't know about you, but I find that one of the fun, creative challenges when when you know doing up a new topic.

00:26:24 Speaker 1

Right?

00:26:27 Charles Clark

Yeah, like it it you know it kind of goes with your topic like push back like that's the unexpected twist that you add.

00:26:27 Selena Rezvani

Or you talk.

00:26:34 Charles Clark

To it like 'cause?

00:26:35 Charles Clark

I'm thinking one thing and and you're going to teach me a different concept of it, and so it's it's.

00:26:41 Charles Clark

It's definitely utilizing those skills, but then also finding your it factor right.

00:26:46 Charles Clark

What's the thing that makes you different from everybody else on this subject?

00:26:51 Charles Clark

You know, like that's the thing that that's going to allow you to to stand out.

00:26:54 Charles Clark

And truly be memorable when when you walk off that stage.

00:26:59 Selena Rezvani

Yes, and you know what?

00:27:00 Selena Rezvani

One other thing that maybe this could help somebody.

00:27:04 Selena Rezvani

I I feel like this was a hard one lesson and I would have loved to know it sooner is when you are designing when you are coming up with the flow.

00:27:15 Selena Rezvani

Think about some of the things that are going to energize you.

00:27:18 Selena Rezvani

I know that sounds self-centered, but it's gonna triple.

00:27:22 Selena Rezvani

Into the audience.

00:27:23 Selena Rezvani

You know what I'm saying?

00:27:24 Selena Rezvani

So if I'm in injecting an exercise and I could make it serious or I can make it funny.

00:27:31 Speaker 1

Right?

00:27:32 Selena Rezvani

Guess what you know hearing them laugh?

00:27:35 Selena Rezvani

I'm going to feed off that.

00:27:37 Selena Rezvani

Then that's going to change my next move with them, and what I do so you know, remembering to and noticing when you're onstage what?

00:27:45 Selena Rezvani

Makes me feel good.

00:27:46 Selena Rezvani

There's a moment where I have people power pose with me and they.

00:27:50 Selena Rezvani

Follow my 2 poses, well guess.

00:27:52 Selena Rezvani

What it feels awesome.

00:27:53 Selena Rezvani

To when I'm doing it and it boosts performance, you know, so I think it's OK to sometimes say what's going to lift my game, not just what's going to feel interesting or surprising or delightful to them.

00:27:55 Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah.

00:28:10 Charles Clark

Yeah, love that.

00:28:11 Charles Clark

Love that well said.

00:28:12 Charles Clark

You know, before we go listening.

00:28:13 Charles Clark

Where can it derive tribe finding?

00:28:17

I hope you.

00:28:17 Selena Rezvani

Will find me and let me know your speaker struggles and wins 'cause I want to hear.

00:28:24 Selena Rezvani

You can find me at selenarezvani.com. I'm going to spell it real quick CONAREZVANI, and you can also find my courses on LinkedIn.

00:28:37 Selena Rezvani

Learning I teach all about confidence and advocating for yourself, so I hope you'll check those out and and find me on socials.

00:28:45 Selena Rezvani

You'll find me on all those social platforms under Selena Rezvani and I'm excited.

00:28:50 Selena Rezvani

To hear from you.

00:28:51 Charles Clark

Awesome, thank you so much for joining the journey page.

00:28:54 Charles Clark

Speaking gauge podcast.

00:28:56 Selena Rezvani

Yeah, thank you for doing this Charles I think it's so important in a field that could be very mysterious that you're demystifying what it takes to do this.

00:29:08 Selena Rezvani

So thanks for your work.

00:29:17 Charles Clark

I tried, I hope you found the conversation with Selena interested.

00:29:20 Charles Clark

Let's recap.

00:29:21 Charles Clark

One the idea of pushback is sometimes stigmatized, but the reality is it can be a great tool.

00:29:28 Charles Clark

Use it to advocate for yourself and set firm boundaries to step out of your comfort zone.

00:29:34 Charles Clark

Taking the step to speak for the first time or talk to audience you're unfamiliar with can help you expand your skill set.

00:29:41 Charles Clark

And lead to.

00:29:41 Charles Clark

Unexpected positive results.

00:29:43 Charles Clark

Three bring units to the table being vulnerable about your wins and losses helped you resonate with people on a deeper level.

00:29:52 Charles Clark

I hope you enjoyed the episode today, and if you're someone who is interested in speaking or just looking for tips or mindset and confidence, follow this podcast and be notified when other content is posted.

00:30:02 Charles Clark

You can also find me at the Charles Clark on all major social media platforms.

00:30:07 Charles Clark

I'll catch you guys on the.

00:30:08 Charles Clark

Next episode, peace.